Fillet-O-Fish without cheese. Afraid is impossible, Japanese tradition.

You’d think that you could get a Fillet-O-Fish Burger from McDonalds without cheese if you so wished. Apparently not, say McDonalds on Great North Road.

Yesterday afternoon Mel trotted up to McDonalds on Great North Road. It’s our local. Mel gets the snazzy new Weight Watchers approved Fillet-O-Fish Meal every so often… girls are funny how they do things like that eh. I guess their marketing works.

Anyway, Mel ordered her Fillet-O-Fish meal, but asked for her burger without the cheese – she hates cheese - can’t have it. Strange, I know, but the girl doesn’t like cheese so we’ll leave that discussion for another day. She’s done this at least 5 times in the last few months, at the same Grey Lynn McDicks, so you can understand her surprise when the little Indian man serving her hesitated and stated he’d have to go check with someone else back there.

Her more experienced team member – we’ll call him More Experienced team member – confirmed it; she couldn’t have the burger without the cheese. Mel wasn’t happy, and used the excuse that she was in fact allergic to the cheese and this is why she couldn’t have it in there. More experienced team member jaunted out back once more and got the heavy artillery – The Manager. The Manager listen to the situation, still no dice. You can’t have the burger without the cheese. Mel reasoned that she would take the cheese of herself, but they melt it on to the pattie and she hadn’t the energy to begin the difficult task of peeling every inch of melted cheese off her processed fish pattie. Still no.

Why couldn’t she have the cheese? Their reason: “any additions or deletions change the overall points value of the meal and the meal is no longer a Weight Watchers Approved Meal”. Give a shit. Take the cheese out, put it on the side… who cares. It’s not a weight-watchers approved meal, Mel don’t care. Besides the fact that taking out the cheese actually makes it MORE of a WeightWatchers approved meal, surely some common sense is in order here. Use your brain silly Mr Manager at the Great North road McDonalds. Really.

When a fuming Mel eventually came back to work clutching a delicious Kumara fritter purchased from the Fish n Chippery and recalled the whole sordid affair, I couldn’t help but think of a scene from Donnie Brasco. You might know the scene. Donnie, Sonny Black and the boys go in to the Japanese restaurant and have an altercation over the shoes, Donnie can’t take them off because of the wire he has in his shoes. The little Japanese restaurateur insists "Afraid is impossible, Japanese tradition". Long story short, they kick the shit out of the restaurateur. The context is completely different I know, and call me sadistic, but I can’t help wonder what Sonny Black and the boys would do if they were with Mel at McDonalds on this fateful afternoon. I bet they’d have got the Fillet-O-Fish without the cheese.

IT DIDN’T END THERE THOUGH.

IT appears that after an exchange of emails the situation is still the same. You can’t take the cheese out of the burger. For shit’s sake. The lunacy runs through the entire McDonalds corporation. Check out the email correspondence:

MELS EMAIL:

Hello there, For lunch today, I went to order the meal I usually get at McDonalds - the Weight Watchers Filet-o-fish meal. As per usual, I asked for no cheese in my burger. I was then told that I couldn't do that (yet I have done it every week for the last four weeks). The manager asked the store manager about it, who continued to inform me that it was to do with the points system that Weight Watchers use - any changes to the burgers alter the points. I understand this, but surely taking away cheese would result in less points, and therefore a healthier burger, right? Usually if it's an issue then I would take the cheese out myself, but since it is melted onto the fish patty I cannot do this. Being allergic to cheese, I couldn't purchase the meal. I would very much appreciate an explanation to this, as it just seems ridiculous. Regards, Melanie

MCDONALDS REPLY:

Dear Melanie Thank you for your email. McDonald's New Zealand is committed to providing our customers with excellent and consistent customer experiences and we were disappointed to hear of your recent experience at McDonald's Grey Lynn, As you are aware, we have launched three Weight Watchers Approved Meals to our menu in New Zealand. Each of these meals has a Weight Watchers points value of 61⁄2. We understand your frustration at not being able to remove the cheese in your Filet o' Fish Weight Watchers Approved Meal, and we agree that at the outset, this does seem such a small change. However, any additions or deletions change the overall points value of the meal and the meal is no longer a Weight Watchers Approved Meal. We are more than happy to meet your menu requirements through our a la carte menu. Customer feedback is important to McDonald's and thank you for taking the time to contact us. Yours sincerely Helen Customer Services

IF YOU REACHED THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST, FIRSTLY - YOU DESERVE A MEDAL. SECONDLY, IF YOU FEEL AS PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS AS WE DO, SEND Customer.Services@nz.mcd.com AN EMAIL TELLING HELEN YOU WANT THE FILLET-O-FISH WEIGHT-WATCHERS MEAL WITHOUT THE CHEESE. AND ALSO TELL HER JAY SAID THAT SHE’S AN EAT-ASS.