Work that elastic, it's looking fantastic.

I have story to share with y'all... but I'm still writing it, so for now, I will leave you with this....

Birdemic

Gooooood morning! How was your weekend? Good? Watcha do? See any life-changing films? I'm trying to get my paws on a copy of 'Birdemic', it looks phenomenal.

Bye-Bye

Hey friends, Jay here.

I'm off to Thailand for 2 weeks, so I'm leaving you in the hands of Fran. She's way better than me anyway, and she likes the Internet way more than me as well. And her eyebrows are better than mine too. look at those things.

See you in a few weeks. If I don't die in Thailand that is. Bloody red shirts.

male strippers are nasty

Last night I attended a friend of a friend's birthday party out West. Now I don't know how they do it out West...but apparently male strippers are considered totally legit as presents.

Upon arrival, the birthday girl had had more than her fair share of vodka cruisers, and really, thank god because nothing would of prepared her for what was coming next.

She was instructed to sit on a seat while we formed a semi circle around her and was told that we were going to start a drinking game...but instead was presented with Raven, a 5'8 "stud muffin" with an awe inspiring goatie and Jersey shore abs. Raven wasn't what I imagined male stripper to look like (apart from the firefighter getup), but hey, maybe he's just really good at stripping? Well let me tell you now, the answer to that is no.

Like all good strippers, he started with a classic, the Day Bow Bow song by yello. Flinging his axe around, we expected some fireman jokes about it being "hot in here" and "being on fire", but no, our mysterious man instead started grinding on everything in sight and it was about now that I realised he was more of an exhibitionist than a stripper.

55 seconds later he was down to just a man thong. Yum.

He made his way over to his briefcase (An essential for all firemen) and I wondered, "What's in the briefcase? A extinguisher? A hose?" No. A silk wrap around. Because, as we all know, nothing gets girls going more than bare man flesh in silk. Seductively replacing his thong with his wrap around, he preceded to then make his way around the room showing girls his bits and flinging it in their face. A dream come true for all.

Once he had successfully disturbed everyone in the room, he thanked us and awkwardly started collecting his various bits of clothing from the floor...most of us sat there trying to come to terms by what we had just encountered. But the worst was yet to come...

After he had left in his strip-mobile I noticed he had left a little something other than his dignity behind...his white man thong...and upon closer inspection...a delightful little skiddy in the thong...mmmm, it's now a treasured souvenir belonging to the birthday girl.

There is a moral to this story...a man with only hair on his head and chin never makes for a good birthday present. Ever. You've been warned.

My hero

There are very few words to describe what happens in this video. so just watch it.

arty people have too much time

that's a chandelier made out of tampons. eewww yucky.

waste of staples.

BIG NEWS: We've launched a new t-shirt website - Parinto.com

We have a new addition to the Mr Vintage family, www.parinto.com

This morning at around 9.35am (Sandard GMT +12) we welcomed www.parinto.com in to the world. It’s a healthy, functional website, full of t-shirt designs ready to be shipped to your doorstep. We’ve been trying for a while now; but it’s always a pretty tough road building a website, and we’ve kept it on the down low to avoid any potential disappointments, but it’s finally here.

Baby analogies aside, we’re really happy to be announcing the launch of Parinto, and we’d love for all of you to check it out if you’ve got a spare couple of minutes over your lunch break. I can personally guarantee it’ll be more interesting than anything on facebook or twitter today - unless the Parinto news is on facebook or twitter I guess. LINK.

It’s an idea we’ve had for a while; we’ve always wanted to do something that was a little different to Mr Vintage – branching away from the Kiwiana designs – something a little more art-focused. We wanted to create an Internationally accessible brand, work with Internationally acclaimed artists, and create a community for creative’s to contribute and share their passions.

It wasn’t till we met Auckland based designer Stephen Richardson that we realised we could work together; combining our resources, marketing, experience, creativity, and most importantly vision, to create a site that would not only act as an online store, but a creative hub for our favourite International artists, designers, illustrators, and photographers to showcase their latest works.

Fronting the Parinto brand will be Stephen Richardson, you may’ve heard of his label; Richard…son. Richard…son won Metro Magazine’s “Best t-shirt” award in 2007, so he’s kind of a big deal in his own right. He’s a well-travelled dude, and as well as featuring his own designs, he’s handpicked a roster of his favourite designers, illustrators, photographers, and artists to design t-shirts for Parinto. These include Tank Girl comic book legends Alan Martin and Rufus Dayglo, fine artist Max Gimblett, Madrid based illustrator Blanca Gómez, original Memphis Design member Nathalie Du Pasquier, the Cut Collective, and fashion stylist and blogger Adam Bryce amongst others.

You should sign up to the newsletter as well, that’d be a real smart move on your behalf; I tell thee. www.parinto.com Make sure you drop by, there’s a lot more to do than just shop; with a section devoted to keeping you up to date with the contributors involved, read interviews with them, learn about their latest exhibitions, as well as exclusive opportunities to win original pieces by the artists.

If you've got any press enquiries, please contact stephen@parinto.com

www.kokako.co.nz - Best coffee in town

Kokako are local. Kokako are organic. Kokako are fair trade.

We like Kokako heaps. It’s all we’re drinking. And it smells really glorious.

A big thanks to Mike at Kokako who hooked us up with this delicious Fair Trade Organic Coffee… The dude is a real master of his craft, and if you want the most un-tainted and pure coffee in Auckland, Kokako is the only place to go. They’re literally Auckland’s only dedicated Fair Trade Coffee Roaster. Fresh.

They’ve got a wicked little café in Parnell too (492 Parnell road – just by the Mobil near the top), and if you’re the type that’s really picky about your coffee - this is definitely the place to go and enjoy a quiet cup.

And check out Kokako www.kokako.co.nz they’re switched on as.

Bieber Fever has reached new lows.

That's Black Flag. don't mess with that shit Justin.

Kiwi Ingenuity

I've got a friend named Bill, he's an electrician. He's a pretty resourceful guy; the other day he showed me his handy-man job on his ripped jeans. He'd cable-tied the split in his jean's crotch. Not the most aesthetically pleasing I'll admit, but it certainly got the job done.

This guys used Bills technique and taken it to the next level, and I appreciate that. Talk about kiwi ingenuity. No.8 Wire and shit.

Mel's famous.

click Mel's face and an article will appear. If I typed the right stuff in the link thing.

Following on from the whole Fillet-O-Fish saga of last week, a nice wee lady was lovely enough to write a story on it for the Herald on Sunday. It's pretty cool how news like this travels. I guess it helps when your friend works there and shows the right person the story, thanks Nicki. Mates as.

Dey Bow-Bow

When I hear this song I think of two things, the old DEKA ad and Ferris Bueller's Day off. When I see this video though, I just wonder what type of drugs Yello were on when they wrote this song and made this video. Seriously weird.

Fillet-O-Fish without cheese. Afraid is impossible, Japanese tradition.

You’d think that you could get a Fillet-O-Fish Burger from McDonalds without cheese if you so wished. Apparently not, say McDonalds on Great North Road.

Yesterday afternoon Mel trotted up to McDonalds on Great North Road. It’s our local. Mel gets the snazzy new Weight Watchers approved Fillet-O-Fish Meal every so often… girls are funny how they do things like that eh. I guess their marketing works.

Anyway, Mel ordered her Fillet-O-Fish meal, but asked for her burger without the cheese – she hates cheese - can’t have it. Strange, I know, but the girl doesn’t like cheese so we’ll leave that discussion for another day. She’s done this at least 5 times in the last few months, at the same Grey Lynn McDicks, so you can understand her surprise when the little Indian man serving her hesitated and stated he’d have to go check with someone else back there.

Her more experienced team member – we’ll call him More Experienced team member – confirmed it; she couldn’t have the burger without the cheese. Mel wasn’t happy, and used the excuse that she was in fact allergic to the cheese and this is why she couldn’t have it in there. More experienced team member jaunted out back once more and got the heavy artillery – The Manager. The Manager listen to the situation, still no dice. You can’t have the burger without the cheese. Mel reasoned that she would take the cheese of herself, but they melt it on to the pattie and she hadn’t the energy to begin the difficult task of peeling every inch of melted cheese off her processed fish pattie. Still no.

Why couldn’t she have the cheese? Their reason: “any additions or deletions change the overall points value of the meal and the meal is no longer a Weight Watchers Approved Meal”. Give a shit. Take the cheese out, put it on the side… who cares. It’s not a weight-watchers approved meal, Mel don’t care. Besides the fact that taking out the cheese actually makes it MORE of a WeightWatchers approved meal, surely some common sense is in order here. Use your brain silly Mr Manager at the Great North road McDonalds. Really.

When a fuming Mel eventually came back to work clutching a delicious Kumara fritter purchased from the Fish n Chippery and recalled the whole sordid affair, I couldn’t help but think of a scene from Donnie Brasco. You might know the scene. Donnie, Sonny Black and the boys go in to the Japanese restaurant and have an altercation over the shoes, Donnie can’t take them off because of the wire he has in his shoes. The little Japanese restaurateur insists "Afraid is impossible, Japanese tradition". Long story short, they kick the shit out of the restaurateur. The context is completely different I know, and call me sadistic, but I can’t help wonder what Sonny Black and the boys would do if they were with Mel at McDonalds on this fateful afternoon. I bet they’d have got the Fillet-O-Fish without the cheese.

IT DIDN’T END THERE THOUGH.

IT appears that after an exchange of emails the situation is still the same. You can’t take the cheese out of the burger. For shit’s sake. The lunacy runs through the entire McDonalds corporation. Check out the email correspondence:

MELS EMAIL:

Hello there, For lunch today, I went to order the meal I usually get at McDonalds - the Weight Watchers Filet-o-fish meal. As per usual, I asked for no cheese in my burger. I was then told that I couldn't do that (yet I have done it every week for the last four weeks). The manager asked the store manager about it, who continued to inform me that it was to do with the points system that Weight Watchers use - any changes to the burgers alter the points. I understand this, but surely taking away cheese would result in less points, and therefore a healthier burger, right? Usually if it's an issue then I would take the cheese out myself, but since it is melted onto the fish patty I cannot do this. Being allergic to cheese, I couldn't purchase the meal. I would very much appreciate an explanation to this, as it just seems ridiculous. Regards, Melanie

MCDONALDS REPLY:

Dear Melanie Thank you for your email. McDonald's New Zealand is committed to providing our customers with excellent and consistent customer experiences and we were disappointed to hear of your recent experience at McDonald's Grey Lynn, As you are aware, we have launched three Weight Watchers Approved Meals to our menu in New Zealand. Each of these meals has a Weight Watchers points value of 61⁄2. We understand your frustration at not being able to remove the cheese in your Filet o' Fish Weight Watchers Approved Meal, and we agree that at the outset, this does seem such a small change. However, any additions or deletions change the overall points value of the meal and the meal is no longer a Weight Watchers Approved Meal. We are more than happy to meet your menu requirements through our a la carte menu. Customer feedback is important to McDonald's and thank you for taking the time to contact us. Yours sincerely Helen Customer Services

IF YOU REACHED THE BOTTOM OF THIS POST, FIRSTLY - YOU DESERVE A MEDAL. SECONDLY, IF YOU FEEL AS PASSIONATE ABOUT THIS AS WE DO, SEND Customer.Services@nz.mcd.com AN EMAIL TELLING HELEN YOU WANT THE FILLET-O-FISH WEIGHT-WATCHERS MEAL WITHOUT THE CHEESE. AND ALSO TELL HER JAY SAID THAT SHE’S AN EAT-ASS.

That's a shame

Those saucy Aussies are at it again. Between Peall and Pearce in case you missed it.

The KFC Double Down Burger

I know, pretty much every dude with a blog and twitter has been posting this over the last few weeks, but I just had to say something about the new KFC Double Down Burger.

I'm a vegetarian, but when I see that Double Down I want to use it as a pillow and wake up in the middle of the night and snack on it.

Cutting Edge report from Chris Kamara

Reporter Misses the Game He's Covering - watch more funny videos

Vote Jonathan Field. Yes. Say yes.

Our mate Jonathan Field is a beautiful man. So beautiful that he’s in the running for Australia’s CLEO Bachelor of the year competition. He’s in the top 50 at the moment, so we’d really appreciate if you went and voted for him. It’d be neat to see a New Zealander win the Australian Bachelor of the Year Award. A genuine Maari no less.

One hot tomali.

He’s one of the realest dudes we know, Rob used to flat with him, and as Rob puts it “He’s the kind of guy you’d want your sister to marry”, and it’s true. Besides being an all-round GC, he’s a designer – he designed our Longest Drink in Town and Chur Bay tees – AND a model. You may remember him from a few NZ ads, that lotto one where the chick wins and gets all this new stuff, Johnny was the love interest. He’s been on a KFC ad too, I think makes him a B-Grade celebrity.

Vote for him here: http://www.cleo.com.au/bachelor2010-profile-jonathan-field.htm

Smile like you mean it

The other day we ran an 'Easter-Tee' Hunt on Twitter, posting goodie bags with tee vouchers around Auckland City.. It was a roaring success, but I'll write a little more on that tomorrow.

For now though, I'll leave you with this delightful fellow that made me smile when he sent in his victorious picture. He looks bloody stoked. Good work my man.

We don't like Nestle no more

Have a break? from Greenpeace UK.

He's back

Our mate Rick Giles has issued a response. Perhaps a regular spot on Sunrise is in order. The Anti-Ollie: Rick Giles.

Check it out boys

This is what happens when you put NZ's most entertaining man on National TV. He should have been on The Apprentice NZ.

The Rugby World Cup

There are a few rumors circulating today concerning the official song for the 2011 Rugby World Cup. http://bit.ly/93sMA5 Please God, I hope it’s not true.

I’m not the biggest rugby fan in the world anymore, these days my involvement barely extends to processing the score of the latest Blues game rather than looking out for it. I’ll watch the All Blacks, but I can’t really remember the last time I enjoyed an All Blacks game. The game’s digressed; it’s not entertaining, going to games is even worse – the atmosphere is like shagging a dead horse. Lifeless.

smug bastards.

But when it comes to a World Cup, I’ll certainly tune in. It’s the whole feeling about it; opening ceremonies, sudden death, group stages, newspaper schedule pull-outs, and of course, the theme music for the event. One aspect of music that’s really cool is the way it attaches itself to memories. One time I went on a road trip to Wellington and only took a few CD’s, now every time I hear Jakob, Goldenhorse, or Grandaddy, I’m instantly taken back to the images of driving round Wellington. It’s neat.

And now I hear that the Feelers are doing a cover of British pop band Jesus Jones' song 'Right Here, Right Now' for the 2011 Rugby World Cup. Yes, I do have something against the feelers. But that’s because they are genuinely shit, once I was eating at this restaurant and the Feelers started playing; I damn near threw up my Greek Moussaka! This song will be drummed in to my head if I follow this World Cup with any real conviction, etched in to my heart. It will be like James Reid getting inside my head and whaling his grating voice until I go crazy, and the worst part is that he’s probably being paid pretty handsomely to do it.

I've gradually accepted that the Feelers have somehow wormed their way in to becoming one of New Zealand Music’s favorite sons, but to such a degree? Last year they were awarded the honor of having NZ’s highest selling album – it was their greatest hits. You’re having a laugh. What sort of country do we live in when a band like the Feelers reign supreme? General opinion of most people I know, and certainly most people on twitter, is that they’re tits.

It all begs the question really, is watching the 2011 Rugby World Cup really going to be worth it? I think not. But perhaps my ramblings are in fact misguided, it seems NZ love the Feelers. Am I just being unpatriotic? Maybe I should just stay quiet and agree to disagree.

I’ve just now noticed that it’s been confirmed. http://bit.ly/9Vb42o Read it and weep boys.

a marmite tattoo

One of the first tasks I like to get in to on a Monday morning is the website enquiries. While it can often be quite a menial task, the enquiry content can range from entertaining to frustrating. Today’s enquiries however brought with it a pleasant little surprise we’ve never had before.

Here’s the email we got:

Subject: Marmite and Chips Print
From: Kaylee
Enquiry Date: 2010-03-28 22:11

Hiya, I see the marmite and chips print is the retired prints page. I was just wondering tho, I want to get a tattoo of it but can't copy and save the picture in full so any chance I can get a copy off you guys? :)
Chur!
Kaylee.

Now, while I see it as a huge compliment to Joe’s talent with a pen and computer, it’s pretty crazy. I mean, seriously, it’s not a bad design (above), but is that what you want to look at when you’re like 70… marmite n chips? I’m kind of hoping that she was drunk, seeing as her email was at 11:11pm on a Saturday night, but who knows. Anyway, here are some tattoos that are pretty shit-house.

Remuera Hard bro.

get some.

it's not gay, it's just shit.

The piece de resistance: a diddle, as it is done, with veins.

Joe Wharehinga is a hipster

Everyone knows someone like this. I do. His name is Joe and he's the designer here at Mr Vintage. He's so indie that when he rides his bicycle, he wears a beanie precariously perched on the top of his head under his helmet.

The Cryptid Factor on bFM

When you put two grown men with an enthusiastic passion for unknown species of animals in the same room, you’re going to get some entertaining conversation. When those two people are Rhys Darby and David Farrier, you’ve got yourself a radio show and that radio show is called the Cryptid Factor.

And when there is a show as good as the Cryptid Factor floating around the airwaves, it’s usually a good idea to make a t-shirt for that show, so that’s just what we’ve done. check out the Official Cryptid Factor t-shirts and singlets.

If you’ve not heard the show on 95.0 bFM, I suggest you tune in on Sundays from 9am-11am. They’re also doing 3 live shows at the comedy festival, want to go?

You can follow them or you can become a fan or you can do both both. I've done both and it's worked out great for me.

Rob Ewan 4 George Lucas 4 Life

Today we did a few t-shirts for the Hutt Valley region. And Rob being the fantasy fanatic he is, insisted on this tidy little design – utilising a nice bit of pun work there too.

But Rob’s fantasy obsession is becoming a bit ridiculous, you see, he’s told me he’s saving up to go to this Star Wars convention type thing over in Europe or something. Apparently it’s called the ‘Star Wars celebration’ and I think they just sit around and talk about how George Lucas is a much cooler guy than Peter Jackson. Google it... if you really want to.

So yeah, Rob’s been saving his up his Sir Edmond’s in an effort to make this cool event, and he says that he’s been having more fun than ever. This weekend he said he had the most fun 48 hours he’s ever had and it only cost 6.99 from Pack n Save. Check out what Rob spent his weekend making... Whatever floats your boat, or err, death star.

I didn't ask Rob what the hole was for because quite frankly I'm scared of the answer.

Baracky Obama

In light of today's historic Health reform bill, I thought it only fair to pay tribute to the great man Barack Obama.

He's all gags. And why not.

St. Patrick's and Social Media

I remember in my youth St. Patrick’s Day was an occasion that I always looked forward to. At one party, we went to a friend’s flat and threw her chairs off her deck; it was awesome. My friend Ben ended up marrying her flatmate as well, crazy. Another St. Patrick’s Day we went to town, not like Pony club with Brooke-Howard-Hyphenate or anything, just to some bars that you don’t need a girl with you or pointy shoes on to get into. At the end of the night we had to pull over on Hillsborough Rd and I helped old mate Will (Bens brother) spew on the side of the road. Ben drove past and waved, which was nice of him.
This year was fun, but in a much different way. We had Social Media Fun. Man, I’m 25 years old this year and for the first time I totally feel 25.

Back to the Social Media fun, we had a whole bunch of St. Paddys tees leftover. We needed to get rid of the tees quickly, as we were finishing at 3pm to go to the pub; I needed to decide what to do for dinner, and we wanted to have a few drinks before we left. We thought we’d get our friends on twitter and facebook to help us out.

We first asked them to bring a potato (preferably waxy) to the shop, in return for a free St. Paddys tee – Good return. Then we asked them to bring down some Guinness, well, any alcohol really – Success. We then asked them to bring down a scoop of hot chips for a t-shirt – Great Success!

In the end we got:
4 Waxy Potatoes
8 bottles of Guinness
12 Cans of Guinness
6 Cans of Steinlager
2 Bottles of Heineken
2 Bottles of Carlsberg
1 Bottle of Wine
1 Bottle of Opal Nera
Two Baileys n Cream shots
AND
1 Scoop of Hot Chips!

RESULT.

After a few drinks we went down to the Dogs Bollix for some loud Irish Music and a few more drinks. I left at about 5pm, without having a drink, with the other guys. I then went home, had some dinner with my lover, went home and was in bed by 9.30pm. I later received a txt that my name was on the door for the ‘Dead Weather’ gig (Jack White’s band) at the Powerstation. But I was already in bed. On St. Patrick’s Day. I’m 24 years old. And washed up.

You've heard of the Backstreet Boy, yeah?

From time to time we come across some really famous people wearing our t-shirts. It’s a delight. Last year we had David Beckham’s kid and Kimberley Crossman from Shortland Street. Yep, I know. But now we’ve got one to trump them all.

Little known singer/performer/really great artist Howie D, of the Backstreet Boys fame, sports his Keep NZ Beautiful t-shirt.

Joe and Sale St Bar n Grill

I'm not sure if I've ever mentioned it, but Joe is a big fan of Sale St Bar n Grill, and the other day his mate 'Macca' jumped in one of the little water features outside. Joe said they had been on the booze for hours. I think it's terrible behavior. Joe is a jock who loves Rugby and the Super 14.

Joe said Macca's missus is gonna be ropeable.

Piano Man

Some people on chatroulette.com are really creative. check out this dude:

SNL feat. Julian Casablancas

Everything Julian Casablancas does is cool. period.

Round the Bays

‘Round the Bays’ was on Sunday, and just like previous years we went from Quay St in the City along to the waterfront at St Heliers Bay. Some ran and some walked; either way, it was a joyous occasion for all, and the BBQ after really topped it off. Check the team. RUN AK!

Rob ran in his Prada glasses. #fag.

Being the masters of Marketing and all, we really kicked ass in that our t-shirt didn't even have our logo or any branding on it. Victory.

Team Vintage. We run this shit.

NZ Autumn Gift Fair

From Sunday through Wednesday (7th – 9th) we were at the Autumn NZ Gift Fair. It was pretty good value, met a few good store-owners and the like. As always with these types of events, we spend a good portion of the time watching people, judging them. Just a little bit, but I’m not going to lie about it – it’s what we do. That and draw naughty pictures of the people we see.

So while we were there – looking, judging, and drawing – Rob decided to dabble in a little bit of rap, as he likes to from time to time. While I can’t show you the pictures we drew (NSFW), I can post the rap. Here goes.

Gift fair – Where we stare. by Rob Ewan

Just been at the Gift Fair selling tees,
Amongst other NZ stuff that was all pretty cheese

Saw heaps of Mums with dyed hair,
Their beads and bracelets made us stare

We were opposite a lady selling disco balls,
Like a $2 store in one of those crappy malls

Women pass with their blonde hair and dyed red fringes,
What’s up with that - can’t they see everyone’s cringes?

Oh well it’s time to pack up and leave
Shout out to my Dad who got a job today, his name's Steve

I tried finding a picture of the type of clientele there, but it seems searching "Mum hairdos with highlights and necklaces and bangles" does not yeild the desired image results. So instead, here's Rapper Rob.

bad ass.

check that shit out

Crazy horses

Taika Waititi is pure genius. spend some time enjoying this promo for his new movie, Boy.
http://crazyhorses.co.nz/
http://boythemovie.co.nz/

Parachute FAIL

That's a shame that is.

Chat Roulette: For Wankers

Chat Roulette: The new phenomenon sweeping the Internet. It’s one of those things that first came to my attention through old mate Twitter. I just figured it was another tech-savvy fad like Google Wave; Interesting, possibly even helpful, but I’d probably never use it.

Then Joe came to work with the revelation that his mate Max had used Chat Roulette and talked to Jessica Alba. Jessica Alba. I want to talk to Jessica Alba. Apparently he got a screenshot too, so it’s legit.

The following day, Joe came in and recalled last night’s adventures on chatroulette.com. He didn’t talk to Jessica Alba. Nothing of the sort, no sir, nothing like Jessica Alba. What he saw was far more disgusting. I was alarmed – grown men go on chat roulette with the sole purpose of wanking their dicks in to a camera. I suppose they do so in the faint hope of finding a sexy lady to look at, but there’s every chance that they don’t really mind what they find. Exhibitionists of sorts I guess.

Why then did I feel the need to go home and sell the idea to my flat mate? We jumped on; maybe I wanted to see if people were that sick. Maybe I wanted to see Jessica Alba. I think part of me knew what I was going to find - deviants playing with themselves. But I did it anyway, and most people I’ve talked to lately have also taken part.

What I got was a whole lot of nothing – it seems that the sight of two young dudes sitting in a room instantly forced people to click the ‘next’ button. Demoralised, we quickly recruited Tim – my other flat mate – and his girlfriend Nicki. Nicki was the bait and it worked a treat. We were meeting people left right and centre. She had enough though and we had to wait until my lady friend Sian came over till we were back in business.

Sian knew what was going on, and while initially hesitant, we peer pressured her in to sticking with it. After a while she got over the nerves and started having a little bit of fun. Until the inevitable happened, we saw a man pleasuring himself. She squealed and ran off. Ben and I laughed lots. That was it. We got to see what we were there to see. I think. I dunno.

At least some people are a little creative, Joe saw one guy holding up a stick figure drawing but his penis was poking out. That’s legit. And so is this video.

Doing Bombs

This little Maori kid is awesome. He just loves doing bombs. When I think of what Joe was like when he was little, I like to imagine he was just like this kid.

Kiwis are quite smart

I've had a fascination for all things hovering for a long time now. I think it was after I saw Back to the Future and the wicked-sweet hover board he rides. Now, this is no hover board, but it's pretty rad. iWant.

Tait is slightly lame

I expected better from an Australian.

After bowling 4 for 40 runs, never-mind completely choking in the ‘one-over eliminator’ after the match was tied – all Shaun Tait could muster as a response was to pull the fingers at McCullum. You lose Shaun Tate. You lose.

yum (NSFW)

The other week my flatmate Tim Youngson was in a motorbike accident in which he broke his leg rather badly. His bone fell out and now he has a steel rod in there. Terminator. He's recovering well, and seems in high spirits - morphine helps. Here’s some pictures.

He's so rock n roll old Uncle Tim.

That’s a Grammy nominated bone right there.

Tsunami Warning: Natural Selection

There was a Tsunami warning so these people at Breaker Bay decided to get their dicks and tits out. real smart move.

Over the weekend there was a Tsunami warning. Some refused to heed the warning, and while there has been little sign of the supposed Tsunami that doesn’t mean you head down to the beach at the height of the warning and flail about tempting fate.

One of these days the Tsunami warning will come to fruition, and while it may sound a little harsh; those dumb enough to continue with their plans for a nude photo shoot on the beach will be eliminated from the human race. Call it natural selection, only those stupid enough to blatantly ignore any sort of Tsunami warning deserve to go.

Hilary Diff is now dead to me.

I'm going to be honest. I was pretty gutted to hear that my youthful fantasy Hilary Duff is now engaged. Especially seeing the muppet she’s engaged to. He looks like a twat.

Team Tiger

Onetangi Fish n Chips. Shit house.

On Saturday I went to Waiheke Island for the day. Waiheke’s a wonderful place when the sun is shining; the air crisp, the birds in-tune, the derelicts placid, the water cool and the fruit sweet.

I was understandably delighted to be spending the day there. As I hopped off the ferry, I had enough time to have a quick disagreement with my special lady friend – good enough that the walk to Onetangi was completely silent and really fast. We made great time, which I love.

Whilst there, we obviously required a delicious meal to satisfy the growing hunger. Fish n Chips made sense. So too did the Onetangi Fish n Chips shop. Much like the feeling you get waking up after a big night on the New Zealand Lager, I immediately regretted my decision.

The prices listed on their menu were a dead giveaway. So too was the sign that read, “Expect to wait a while”. I chuckled and thought (well, hoped really), what great branding – these folk seem really light hearted and funny. Minutes later while still waiting I started to think they weren’t just following the ‘under-promise, over deliver’ management tag line my uni lecturer Mr Barlow had drilled in to me in 1st year. They really were that shit.

One of the chefs then noticed us waiting patiently and called to the waitress to pop inside and serve us. Approaching in a flurry of hand drying, the tubby employee approached and looked at us expectantly, without saying a single word. As we ordered, her expression barely changed, her eye contact was non-existent and I watched as she scratched her crotch for an extended period of time. As a reflex I diverted my eyes elsewhere where I stumbled across more of their tasteful branding – a sign that read, “be nice or leave”. This time I let out a cheeky little lol.

Upon receiving our food, we were astonished to find that our ‘scoop’ of chips was closer to a child’s handful, the spicy calamari consisted of two tubes, and the hot-dog on a stick was actually on a stick and not a tooth-pick.

Next time you go to Waiheke, take a picnic, unless you want to be served fish and chips by Lucifer.

If you want real Fish n Chips go to ‘Bonzo Burgers Bar’ on Mt Eden Rd. Bonzo is a great guy.

Mr Bonzo will give you a generous scoop of chips that for damn-tooting.

Gizzy. a round of applause.

Some interesting news came to light today. Gisborne is the newly crowned ‘Clap Capital’ of the North Island. Which is great.

I think previously Hamilton had held the title, but they’ve now been defeated. Word has it a large number of New Years revelers had an impact in these telling statistics. I’m not pointing my finger at Hayden.

Our designer Joe is from Gisborne, and while he’s not too happy with the new title, he is thinking about a new t-shirt design. I have a feeling he will no longer be welcome in his family home.Gizzy.

Joe. Gazing off in to the fields of Clap.

Joe's favourite rapper is Jay-Z

99 Problems.

Lost

The Double Pounder. and a pounder too.

Hayden came in to work today with a great drunken tale. He does this a lot. Youths.

Him and his white mates purchased a few bottles of wine and drove them in to their guts. Drunk. Then, as it is done, they visited McDonalds. That’s when Hayden decided he wanted to see one of his friends eat a ‘Pounder’ (comprised of 4 quarter patties w/ cheese in-between each).

His tall mate Ollie was up for it, so Hayden obliged and set him on his way. Ollie can’t say no. But that’s another yuck story.

He finished with ease, the only evidence being a slight sheen to his face. Meat sweats.

So Hayden got him a Double Pounder. 8 patties. 8 slices of cheese. $27 Large.

The McDonalds manager was so stoked - he had never seen this feat achieved before - he was taking photos and even arranged for a bin to be positioned beside Ollie so he could put his meaty/winey guts in there.

Glad I'm vegetarian.

Ollie got there in the end. Somehow. And then he took advantage of the managers generosity and put the contents of his insides in to that bin. Patrons watched on; some cried, some complained, and some applauded the act. All were amazed.

Thanks Hayden. And Ollie too.